From here on out I'd like to say sorry to you. I'm sorry because I will never have the courage to speak about this in front of you. I'm sorry because I'm not giving you a chance to fix what we have right now. I'm sorry because even if I feel this way about our friendship, I will continue talking to you as if these feelings do not exist.
I treasure you as a friend. I treasure our every exchange. With every conversation we have had, I feel that I have become richer and wiser as a person. You're one of the few friends I can be truthful with. And by truthful, it's not only about telling the truth with words, but telling my truth to you in action. I'm happy when I'm with you because I don't feel the need to hide anything. You're one of the few who understands and knows the right words to say, or retorts to spit out.
Despite all of the things you have gracefully given me, I feel that you, in a very subtle manner, weaken me. It's only these past days I've realized that I'm leading a toxic relationship with you. An outrageously exhausted term but yes, toxic. Toxic, meaning that it's not about what you do or say and your manner of doing things, but, their effect on me overall. You bring my spirit down. I'm not very optimistic to begin with, so I don't need someone to bring me down further. You've given me wonderful pieces of advice, conversations, and a lot more, and I'm very thankful that I have you now as a friend. However, as much as I try to share with you a substantial amount of me and all the things I hold dearly, you won't seem to recognize the value of it all. I always feel that I'm not enough when I'm with you. Do I always have to be the one inferior? When I'm with you, I feel inferior. But when I'm alone mulling over our relationship, I honestly think that you are the one who's genuinely troubled. I still don't understand these feelings in entirety but, whatever beautiful piece of advice or colorful conversation which has led us to share this friendship has, for me, already died down and lost its initial magic. I dare to say that our friendship has made a sour turn.
Earlier I said that I can be truthful to you. I'm mistaken. This is one thing I will never be truthful with to you, because frankly, whatever we have right now is not enough to overcome this.
I just need to surround myself with positive yet downright realistic people right now, and it doesn't include you. I'm sorry.